Saturday, 25 October 2008

• Currently Listening Anywhere But Home (w/ bonus DVD) By Evanescence Missing see related

  I HATE MEN....sometimes.

   

  I'm just so down-trodden lately...and my boyfriend, whom i live with, is not helping my mental health AT ALL. he just says such negative and unnecessary things sometimes. and guys don't get something that many women have. we have a sensitivity to tone of voice when people talk to us.

  if a guy says something and his tone of voice is gruff or angry-sounding, no matter WHAT he says....we'll probably take it offensively.

  ex: (cliche, but an example)

  GF: "honey, do i look fat in these jeans?"

  BF: "no, babe, u look fine" (says with a sigh)

  if i was that girlfriend i'd be annoyed and a little pissed b/c his sigh could mean a lot of different things...none of which are positive. the first thing i'd think is "wow...he's annoyed at me for asking a question, what a dick."

  plain and over-used example but it gets my point across.

  my bf is just so negative lately, and i always feel like it's my fault. i know it isn't, rationally, b/c i give him EVERYTHING. he wants me to buy him something (happens very often) it's his before i even think twice. i make him every meal AND do the dishes afterward. we have a great communication level when something is bothering us.

  but then i feel like it might be my fault. he doesn't see how much i do for him b/c he's so used to me doing it all. i feel like he takes me for granted A LOT. i feel under-appreciated and over-stressed. i always do a little something special for him. like for our 1-year anniversary (september 1st), i made him a tape with me singing all of the songs that remind me of him. he came home in a bad mood that day and didn't want to listen to it, which was ok cuz i wanted him to enjoy it...not be in a bad mood the whole time. but today is october 25th. i've mentioned it here and there....and one day when he was home i even ASKED him to listen to it. he didn't.

  i mean, if someone spent weeks gathering songs and recording them JUST FOR ME, i would love to listen to that. i would think it was the best present in the world because it all came from the heart. i even have a poem i wrote him AND a song i wrote him on there, which he knows cuz i gave him a card w/ the track list inside. it's just eating away at me everyday that he doesn't care about something i worked so hard to make him. ESPECIALLY since he apparently "loves my voice" and he knows singing is my passion.

  i just don't know what to do. i love him more than anybody else on this earth. WHY THE FUCK CANT HE AT LEAST SAY THANK YOU ONCE IN A WHILE!!??

  i feel so alone....

  GGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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